Texts From Last Top Gear

[Image: James May in a screencap from the find the best driving road ep, where in he ended up driving his car whilst starkers. He’s holding the water bottle—not sure if it’s before or after he poured some on himself.  Mmm. Er, yes. The caption reads: “(289):  Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn’t find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.”]

[Image: James May is holding, between pinched fingers, a lovely, belaced and beribboned little pink bra. He’s got his “Did you know? And even if you already do, I’m still gonna tell you” face on. The caption reads: “(234):  Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?”]

[Image: In a screen cap from series 9, ep 3 (American special), when they’re setting up camp and have the challenge that the only food they can eat is whatever they find for road kill. The three presenters are in the background, looking at Jeremy Clarkson’s car, which is in the foreground. With a huge, dead cow tied to the roof. The caption reads: “(724): We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians”]

[Image: Jeremy Clarkson at a Top Gear Live press event of some kind. He’s got a long face…er, he’s frowning but it’s in that, “tell me something” sort of way. The caption reads: “(303): Please, by all means, tell me what can’t be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?”]

[Image: Three panels, one on top of the other. The top panel is a close up of Richard Hammond, lips pursed, perhaps to ask a question. The text reads: “(636): 2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?”. The middle panel is James May, looking rather disgusted. The caption reads: “ (314):Please tell me those aren’t related.” The bottom panel is Hammond, again, and he’s grimacing. The text reads: “(636): I made rice.”]

[Image: James May is leant well back in a chair, hair spread out behind him. His got a rather odd look on his face, between a grimace and smile. The caption reads: “(408):  MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE”]

[Image: Close up of Jeremy Clarkson. He’s squinting his eyes as he looks at the camera, as if imparting wisdom. However, the caption reads: “(607): I can always see lesbian subplot. It’s my hero ability.”]

Aaannnddd…we’ve reached 800 followers! w00t, awesomesauce and amazeballs innit? A big thank you to all our followers! 

[Image: Three panels, side by side. The first panel is of Richard Hammond, he’s got his arms raised in the air and a huge smile on his face. He seems very excited. The caption reads: “(239): COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING”. The middle panel is of James May, thin lipped and looking like he’s wondering why on earth he even talks to Richard Hammond. The caption reads: “(646): “, the third panel is of Hammond again and he looks like he’s a bit lost and can’t understand a man like James May. The caption reads: “(239): Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?”]

[Image: Jeremy Clarkson and James May are outside, somewhere coldish, from the looks of things. Clarkson is wearing a black winter jacket with a black and grey toque that has a grey pompom on it; he’s holding his hands in front of him and the look on his face is one of *meh, whatcha gonna do about it*. James is wearing a dark grey, heavy turtle neck sweater and he looks like he’s starting to get a bit pissy. The caption reads: “(214):  I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I’m gay”]

[Image: It is one of James May’s ads for London Pride beer. It is a close up of his face and also shows him holding a glass of LP aloft with his fingers. He has a confused look on his face. The caption reads: “(586): Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?”]